The imporatnace of dinner and family time...

Have you ever wanted to go back to a kinder, gentler place?  Where life was simple as a child and every evening after school, you knew you could expect some sort of home-cooked meal from your mom...I relish in the memory of those days of my youth and earnestly work to provide a similar atmoshpere for my boys.  In modern day society, schedules are jam packed with work, school for both parents and children now, and extracurrilar activities; in the midst of all this busy- ness, the task that receives the least amount of attention is that of lunch or dinner.  Most have succome to the drive-thru world where their only priority is getting a meal on the table.  We've also become a society where our financial structures don't afford us the opportunity to put more effort into our meal planning and preparation simply because the money to carry out the plan is typically not available.  Our worlds have become these rat races where we are strategically trying to work our way through, but no matter how hard we try, we often don't end up getting the cheese.  Being able to provide my boys with as many home-cooked meals as possible is an absolute joy.  There's something about placing those plates in front of them that gives me a sense of accomplishment.  I know they aren't just having a meal laiden with saturated fats and fillers, rather one that is prepared with attention and love.  Incorporation of these meals exposes the boys to meals that are not run of the meal or customary.  I have the chance to have an active role in the things that go into their bodies and for me, that means the world.

Dinner has become the time where we end our day as a family and there is this coming together to not just share a meal, but the events of the day as well.  These pictures are reflective of the admiration I have for my family and take advantage of every opportunity I'm presented with to show them through our meals.

 Saturday's dinner...Baked Mostoccoli with Italian Sausage and Ground Turkey

Sunday's dinner...Roasted Turkey Drummettes in an au jus reductions with vegetables and Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes

The lunches I prepare for my children reflect the same time and care that goes into the preparation of a home-cooked meal.  My boys exhibit quite different personalities and there isn't much difference in the range of prefrances for meal time either.  One may love salami while the other can't go a lunch without his black forest ham.  This attention to detail is one of the many ways Elijah and Jeremiah are reminded of my love for them and the extents I am willing to go in order to give them that piece of comfort.  It's truly rewarding when you realize out of the many mommy mishaps that tend to occur, this is one area where I consistently hit the mark.  It's an amazing feeling.

The connection from daily lunches to weekend meals have a natural flow that exude the same care and time taken to make sure it's right for them.  My desire for their lunches is that a company will take the time to prepare meals as thoughtfully as I do instead of creating these one size fits all meals.  A custom fit meal appopriate to my childrens likes and dislikes would be ideal.

Customized Lunch...

Mom:  I feel like I have 85% control over the lunches that go out our door each day because the gathering of lunch box items is often a collective effort, based on a specific set of options my boys have been given.  What I mean is, when we're preparing to grocery shop, I tell Elijah and Jeremiah going in the door what I'm willing to buy for the week and they can choose accordingly.  If their suggestion is something not on their list of options, then it's tabled for consideration at another time, but very rarely do I concede or stray from what it is I have in mind for them for the week.  If I know lunchables are on sale for the week, then the option includes extra lunchables, whereas when they're not, if we get them at all, it is in limited supply.  The dialogue connected with giving them the option to choose from a few selections makes me feel like I accomplished a few things.  One, I know my children are going to have the balanced meals I desire for them.  Two, I'm not going to encounter confusion once when in the store and we're both satisfied.  Because I encourage my boys to try a multitude of different food items, I'm always interested in how far they will venture if I give them the chance.  I don't ever want them to feel like they've been restricted with regard to their food intake and I want them to be able to develop their palates in a way in which they experience tasty things that make them that much more excited about trying the next new item.

Elijah:  When I open my lunch I get super excited cause I see food, food, food, that I really like to eat.  Mom lets us pick some of the things we get to take, so during the day sometimes I can't wait for lunch cause I know whats in the bag.  My friend Christian always wants me to share cause he says mommy is a good cooker, but I don't always want to cause then I don't have much left.  In summer camp, mommy would send me with extra sandwiches cause everybody liked them so much.

Mom:  One of the things I'd really like to see a company do is create sandwich lunches that include chips on occasion and are more conducive to children and their taste buds.  We've got lunchables in countless varieties and deli creations sandwiches which are more geared towards adults, but there aren't any sandwich lunches that are for kids.  While the boys have an eclectic palate, they still like their black forest ham sandwiches and Genoa salami sandwiches.  They're just not your basic bologna or turkey type guys.  They like turkey, but with a little added something.  Further, they truly aren't the specialty bread type kids either, so a simple kaiser roll or a bakery roll will do them just fine.  Foccacia and the such has no place in their lives, at least not at this juncture of the game, lol.  If this option existed, I wouldn't have to spend so many days a week at the deli counter trying to get the deli meats and cheese we can't get in the lunch aisle.

Elijah:  If somebody could make my food the way my mommy did, that would be so cool.  I don't like to eat other peoples cooking a lot cause they don't cook like my mommy does.  When she makes our sandwiches, she puts two cheeses on it and lets us have two types of meat a lot too.  I don't like the mayo and mustard on my sandwich and people always wanna put it on, then I don't want it.  I just don't eat it.  It would also be cool if I could have real pizza and fries or hot dogs and fries.  I would heat it up before I left for school and then have it at lunch.

Mom:  Ideally, I'd like a lunch that's offered in a bag or a box lunch that has everything they need from straws to utensils and napkins.  Now, if I'm going to include yogurt in their lunches, I have to make sure I place a spoon in the bag or otherwise they're unable to eat it, unless they become ingenious and turn it up like a cup.  I'd also like packaging to include the flexibility of being resealable if they don't eat all of their food.  A more comprehensive lunch would also be ideal; something that offers perhaps a small portion and a larger portion for bigger children who tend to have a bigger appetite.

Elijah: If I could make the things my lunch comes in, I'd put it in a square lunch box that would be red and white or red and black, the bulls colors and then on the front I would have MJ making a slam dunk and on the back I would have D. Rose making a lay-up.  It'd be called the 'slayup' lunch box.  On the inside I would want it to be able to keep stuff like pizza or hot dog and fries hot.

Considering the customizations we currently have in place, having the opportunity to provide favorite meals for the boys in a carrying container that would keep it hot for them, but have the designs of their choosing, even some original drawing from Elijah would be quite intriguing.  The entire concept of being able to keep hot meals, hot or warm would be quite an addition to the standard we've become accustomed to for lunches.

Customizations for our lifestyle....

Having two very different boys with regard to both tastes and attitudes, it is essential I create things in their lives that helps them understand I recognize and appreciate each of their individual personalities and uniqueness.  One of the simplest ways for me to accomplish this task is in the preparation of meals.  When I asked my oldest son Elijah to name some things I do to customize our world, his first response was the food I prepare for them.  One of our favorite dishes is macaroni and cheese, both boxed deluxe and homemade baked.  However, a constant intake of just macaroni and cheese can become very boring.  To heighten the pizazz of such a typical dish, I've began making macaroni lasagna.  Sounds complicated, but it can be one of the quickest meals ever.  When making our homemade spaghetti sauce, I have a tendency of making excessive amounts, rich in both Italian Sausage and Ground turkey.  It's one of those sauces you just don't discard if made in excess...so we freeze it and save it for incorporation into our macaroni lasagna.  On those days when we're working on minimal energy, I can grab a box of Kraft deluxe, some mozzarella, cheddar, and pepper jack cheeses and within 45 minutes, we're ready to have a very satisfying meal.  If we've had a big Sunday dinner that included some homemade baked macaroni and cheese, I typically save the leftovers for incorporation into a really cheesy version of the macaroni lasagna.  Its a 'good for the soul' type of meal that oozes with lots of both cheese and love...it's comfort food at its finest.

Another customization is our home.  Each room has a distinct and soothing feel to it.  People often remark of how comfortable our home is and when they're here, they're relaxed to the point of drifting off into a light slumber.  Between the aroma of french vanilla candles, to bubbling dishes in the oven, when here, you're always at home.  This comfort extends to the boys room as well, which is a reflection of my wanting to give them a solace that is all their own.  I've created a sky-like effect on their ceiling which has clouds billowing from one side to another and glow in the dark stars to give it that finishing touch.  It's a delightful room many children find themselves lost in for hours.

After talking to my children, one of the things Elijah says he likes to customize is his drawings.  He says: when I trace pictures out of books, I like to add things to it that's not on the paper I traced it from.  I do it cause I like to draw and when anybody else draws them, I like them to look different from theirs.  This makes me feel like a active drawer, like somebody in the books who draws better than I do, but cause I trace their pictures and add stuff I can get better in time...like I can draw anything in the world.  He also said:  my rockets are pretty different to just me too.  The rockets I create in boy scouts can be painted just the way I like without anybody else trying to copy from me.

While I customizations aren't on a grand scale, they certainly work for our home and gives each person that feeling of love and contentment.  For me, it's such a pleasure to see the smiles that develop when they know I've taken something and personalized it just for them.  It makes me feel like I'm getting a few things right in this all-confusing world of being a mommy.

Is my influence going to continue to be as prevelant as the boys grow?

We have yet to see!  One of the things I adore about the mishap our lives have taken with me now being a single parent is that we have been able to capitalize on an absence that has been a contentious feeling for my boys for years.  Because they don't see their father very often, we have had the opportunity to grow our relationship as mother and son.  I've had to assume the role of daddy, while still being mom.  Although it's difficult at times, it's an experience I wouldn't trade for the world.  I have become their confidant and it's an interesting place to be with boys becuase I don't know how to teach them to be 'boys', but I do the best I can with what and who I have around us.  Because we are so close, they are very much influenced by my opinion and while that can be beneficial, I want to teach them how to consider every option before making decisions and understand the consequences of those decisions, whether good or bad.  In many ways I guess I'm trying to teach them to be analytical thinkers at a very young age and stand firm in what it is they beleive in.  Right now, it's a comfortable relationship I think will only increase as they get older, but more importantly, we've established a parent/child relationship based upon love, rather than judgement of one another, therefore they feel at ease when we talk and are able to have open discussions.

The areas in which I am most controlling are absolutely their academics and their behavior.  We will not behave as if we're common nor will we forfeit the opportunity to receive a quality education.  Having been strick with the boys in regard to the attention they give to their studies, Elijah has achieved the Principal's list each quarter since 1st grade through 3rd grade.  Further, his commitment to being well read has been of great benefit to Jeremiah as well.  There is a constant sharing of information and it has paid off with Jeremiah being ahead of the game for Kindergarten.  At this juncture in their lives, there isn't an area where I can readily admit to being less controlling simply because they are still quite impressionable and for their development to progress as I'd like, I'm not at a point where I can really be hands off.  From the food they each, to the clothes they wear, to the books they read, each is integral in the comprehensive backgrounds I'd like each of them to possess.

Parenting 101: To be or not to be...how do you get this thing right?

If someone had of told me when I was a child I would turn into my parents as I aged, I would have argued them to the grave.  I was adamant about not becoming another 'Sandra Lynn' because as I saw it, she was more than crazy, she was possessed and required daily exorcisms in order to function properly among the rest of the world.  Of course now, I'm thinking I was a bit harsh and have in fact found myself on many occasions saying the same things she would.  Dejavue to the nth power.  Coincidence?  Not hardly!  As an adult, I learned in my early 20's, as I began to make some of my life mistakes, that perhaps my parents did have some insight into what it was like to be my age.  Although I felt I raised the bar for creativeness when it came to doing some of the things I did, they still had a pretty firm grasp on what it meant to evolve into adulthood.  It wasn't until the birth of my first son, I experienced a transition unlike any other.  This new being controlled my body, made me pay more attention to how I treated my body, made we want to be a better person because now I needed to set an example.  This little person made me raise the bar for the standard of living I was willing to accept for myself and now for him; he made me want desires for him that far exceeded anything I had ever wanted for myself.  He made me love unconditionally and without reservation.  He made me see God in his eyes.

As much as I vowed never to be like my parents, I have since learned with the birth of my second son that they weren't off the mark, as I had figured they were when I was growing up.  While my techniques are a bit unique to my family, I still come from "Donald & Sandra's School of Hard Knox" and hommie just don't play that!  There are many nuances about my experiences as a single mother my parents will never be able to understand, it is for that reason I am required to be the nurturer, disciplinarian as well as the one who makes it all right again.  My interactions with my boys have always been inclusive and provided for them to have an open forum with which they could come to me with any and everything.  I've been liberal in allowing them to have a say in the things that will impact their daily lives as well as those that will have a more substantial effect later in there lives.  I believe it is crucial to establish boundaries and stray very little from them.  They recognize the robust amount of love I have for them, but also know when all that love won't keep them from being punished when they are out of line or disrespectful.  It is because of that love that I am as firm with them as I am.  Mediocrity isn't something you strive for, rather the result of not putting forth the best effort possible.  Expectations are known and as a family, we work to not just meet them, but exceed them.  The phrase they know me best by is 'we are not common, therefore, you will not behave as such'.  I used to get a lot of side conversation from my friends when I would tell the boys that as they were growing, but my friends now find that out of all of our kids, my boys tend to stand out...not just in acceptable behavior, but in their school work and compassion for others.

With regard to the way in which I monitor my parenting skills, all I have to do is simply take a seat in the audience in the lives of Elijah and Jeremiah.  I am often moved to moist eyes and an overwhelming sense of calm in my heart when I watch the boys interaction with one another.  Jeremiah is so in love with his big brother it just takes my breathe away.  While they are typical brothers, fighting and arguing over who's army man is winning the war, Jeremiah is very much in tune with his brother and aware of what his brother expects from him.  Elijah is a teacher by nature.  His spirit always leads him to acquire as much information about a subject as is possible and then share it with you.  He has been no different with regard to his brother.  I have never experienced a big brother who always made sure his little brother was 'ok'.  Elijah is the one who allows his brother to still be the 'baby', but teaches him the importance of being a big boy when necessary.  As a little boy, Elijah repeatedly found himself correcting people on the proper pronunciation of the 'E' in his name, as opposed to saying 'A'lijah...Jeremiah is the only one I've seen be able to call Elijah, 'lijah' and Elijah not respond in an adversarial manner.  Its a simple connection that bridges their endearing relationship with one another.

Often, I have felt incapable of raising two African American boys without their father being heavily involved in their lives, but I am renewed in my strength when I see their love for one another, but more importantly their respect for me and society as a whole.  We are not a financially wealthy family, but we are overflowing in the blessing God continues to make possible for us each day.  They have a solid foundation that continues to be nurtured by the strong, accomplished men and women in the organization I am involved with.  This is a journey that is constantly evolving, where lesson plans can't be secured from a book.  It's development will continue throughout each of our lives.

Frick & Frack are here to make their introductions...

 Who knew I would possess the ability to love another human being more than I loved myself?  Take into consideration their needs without giving creedance to my own?  Be so wonderfully amazed at every new thing they did...every new feet they accomplised?  GOD DID!  That's why he blessed me with two awesome little men.  It is but for GOD's grace we have had the pleasure of getting to know one another.

My youngest, Jeremiah, will love you, get you told, leave you and then come right back without a moments hesitation because HE IS the baby and he knows deep down he hasn't gotten it all figured out just yet, although his manerisms will lead you to believe otherwise.  But he's gonna be the tough guy, if you let him.  He is my miracle baby...just when satan thought he had him, GOD interceded on his behalf and said, 'No! this one is mine!'  He loves like his mommy, hard and with everything he's got.  But don't be fooled by his handsome charm, that evil streak in him isn't anything to be trifled with.  When it's all said and done though, it's him and 'lijah' against the world!  LOL

 

Now this 'too smart for his own good' character will run circles around you with his Q&A for every sistuation and won't hesitate to leave you in the dust if you take too long catching up. My once juicier than could be baby is nearly past my shoulders at the ripe, but still young age of 9.  He has declared himself our protector and is convinced he's smarter than most of his teachers.  The initial reservation he had about his baby brother was quickly railroaded as he became the big brother he was destined to be.  He's an old soul trapped in a kids body, putting up a fuss about this or that whenever he has center stage, but he's gonna be right there whenever you need him because he's just like his mommy.  He's going to be the one to craftily talk his way out of a battle and wipe your tears when you're entretched in warfare.  He is truly wise beyond his years with the warmest heart ever.

We are the tide that binds and will weather any storm put before us.  They keep me on my toes and help me to be the best mommy I can.  They continually teach me what it means to love another more than yourself!

Where do I go from here...

Possessing the wherewith all to praise HIM through my circumstance is the testimony I continue to live, breathe and sustain my courage and strength with.  Enduring challenges over the past 12 months that would test the faith of the most saved and sanctified individual, I have remained steadfast in my commitment to God, family and self because abandoning either would cause more dysfunction than that which I was being forced to deal with.  Having been laid off from a Conflicts Trainer position I absolutely adored in January 2010, I held my head in despair because as a single mother of two growing boys, Elijah (9) and Jeremiah (6), I had no idea how I would see my way through.  So I did as the old folks say, and I've been praying my way through since.  In the wake of the curve ball life had thrown me, I returned to school to work towards a degree in Conflicts Resolution with an emphasis in law firms.  I was trying to do something I had lost the knack for, making sure I was happy.

To separator who I am as a woman, mother, daughter, sister and friend, would be a dismemberment of all that embodies the essence of who I am.  While each developed independent of other facets, they are suscint components once welded together cannot be separated without disruption.  The process of giving each its due attention is often comparable to a juggling act, a few times dropping a ball or two, but I once the technique is finessed, valuable lessons are revealed; often disclosing just how fragile we are and no matter what we do to prepare, there will still occasionally be rocks along the path we are to journey on.

Primarily being a stay-at-home mom at this point, I have found how busy and full ones life can be, even though you may not be punching a time clock each day.  From trying to stay on top of homework assignments, managing my home, managing the social organization I now possess a leadership role in, and having time for my family, the tasks are sometimes daunting, but being a mommy is simply the best of them all.  I enjoy spending whatever free time I can squeeze out with my boys...they are the movers and shakers of our family and one day the world.  Being able to fill their bellies with my love soaked, home-cooked meals, gives just a glimpse into the passion I possess for cooking.  You can really penetrate the depths of someones soul by preparing a simple meal and with my boys, they receive a robust amount of love in every bite.