If someone had of told me when I was a child I would turn into my parents as I aged, I would have argued them to the grave. I was adamant about not becoming another 'Sandra Lynn' because as I saw it, she was more than crazy, she was possessed and required daily exorcisms in order to function properly among the rest of the world. Of course now, I'm thinking I was a bit harsh and have in fact found myself on many occasions saying the same things she would. Dejavue to the nth power. Coincidence? Not hardly! As an adult, I learned in my early 20's, as I began to make some of my life mistakes, that perhaps my parents did have some insight into what it was like to be my age. Although I felt I raised the bar for creativeness when it came to doing some of the things I did, they still had a pretty firm grasp on what it meant to evolve into adulthood. It wasn't until the birth of my first son, I experienced a transition unlike any other. This new being controlled my body, made me pay more attention to how I treated my body, made we want to be a better person because now I needed to set an example. This little person made me raise the bar for the standard of living I was willing to accept for myself and now for him; he made me want desires for him that far exceeded anything I had ever wanted for myself. He made me love unconditionally and without reservation. He made me see God in his eyes.
As much as I vowed never to be like my parents, I have since learned with the birth of my second son that they weren't off the mark, as I had figured they were when I was growing up. While my techniques are a bit unique to my family, I still come from "Donald & Sandra's School of Hard Knox" and hommie just don't play that! There are many nuances about my experiences as a single mother my parents will never be able to understand, it is for that reason I am required to be the nurturer, disciplinarian as well as the one who makes it all right again. My interactions with my boys have always been inclusive and provided for them to have an open forum with which they could come to me with any and everything. I've been liberal in allowing them to have a say in the things that will impact their daily lives as well as those that will have a more substantial effect later in there lives. I believe it is crucial to establish boundaries and stray very little from them. They recognize the robust amount of love I have for them, but also know when all that love won't keep them from being punished when they are out of line or disrespectful. It is because of that love that I am as firm with them as I am. Mediocrity isn't something you strive for, rather the result of not putting forth the best effort possible. Expectations are known and as a family, we work to not just meet them, but exceed them. The phrase they know me best by is 'we are not common, therefore, you will not behave as such'. I used to get a lot of side conversation from my friends when I would tell the boys that as they were growing, but my friends now find that out of all of our kids, my boys tend to stand out...not just in acceptable behavior, but in their school work and compassion for others.
With regard to the way in which I monitor my parenting skills, all I have to do is simply take a seat in the audience in the lives of Elijah and Jeremiah. I am often moved to moist eyes and an overwhelming sense of calm in my heart when I watch the boys interaction with one another. Jeremiah is so in love with his big brother it just takes my breathe away. While they are typical brothers, fighting and arguing over who's army man is winning the war, Jeremiah is very much in tune with his brother and aware of what his brother expects from him. Elijah is a teacher by nature. His spirit always leads him to acquire as much information about a subject as is possible and then share it with you. He has been no different with regard to his brother. I have never experienced a big brother who always made sure his little brother was 'ok'. Elijah is the one who allows his brother to still be the 'baby', but teaches him the importance of being a big boy when necessary. As a little boy, Elijah repeatedly found himself correcting people on the proper pronunciation of the 'E' in his name, as opposed to saying 'A'lijah...Jeremiah is the only one I've seen be able to call Elijah, 'lijah' and Elijah not respond in an adversarial manner. Its a simple connection that bridges their endearing relationship with one another.
Often, I have felt incapable of raising two African American boys without their father being heavily involved in their lives, but I am renewed in my strength when I see their love for one another, but more importantly their respect for me and society as a whole. We are not a financially wealthy family, but we are overflowing in the blessing God continues to make possible for us each day. They have a solid foundation that continues to be nurtured by the strong, accomplished men and women in the organization I am involved with. This is a journey that is constantly evolving, where lesson plans can't be secured from a book. It's development will continue throughout each of our lives.
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